take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
