saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
