is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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