im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I did not marry a roomba.
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