jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
