three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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