i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just shotgunned beers for America
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
