this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
