I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
