no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
