Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?