All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
