Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you