i think my tv is drunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
