i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dignity is for republicans.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
