literally had 100 drinks last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
