It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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