i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
