WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
