I smell stomach acid.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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