how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
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Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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