I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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