I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize