her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
