in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
