so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
