Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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