The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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