Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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