Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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