I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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