I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
