At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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