Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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