I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
