yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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