and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
