I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
