i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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