my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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