So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
