I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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