So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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