chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
BRING THE BAGELS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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