A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
