Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
