I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
