So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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