That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
