watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
