we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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