my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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