I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
