Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize