i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
