im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
