So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
