My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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