Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
