sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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