Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
