Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
