I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
