i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
