i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
