Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
