I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
