I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
