you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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