Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
