i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
