Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
