Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize