When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
