mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
