It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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