im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
