I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
two words...techno handjob
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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